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Skirts and Their Dirty Little Secrets

Skirts and Their Dirty Little Secrets

Do skirts have secrets. Of course or why would women who love a pair of jeans still reach for the dart-waisted A-line even in the 21st century? Because not only are they easy for the fashion houses to churn out with minimal tailoring, they’re easy to put on and wear.

plus size skinny and big ass

I admit to not understanding why women so love pants. Ever since women’s lib in the 60s and 70s, pants have become prevalent in women’s wear. But why? The whole idea of women wearing pants started from women who wanted to be like men.  Opposites attract, not likes (sames). They’re not awfully flattering, they can be hard to fit especially for plus-size women (more than half the women in America now), they’re expensive, they’re hot and often tight to wear and they’re not very feminine or flattering unless you want to show your off  skinny legs and big ass.

holding skirt being scornful

Drawing your pants legs back from someone in disgust as you pass them is insufficiently scornful.

visible panty line

Studies have shown that wearing skirts is 90% effective in preventing VPL (visible panty line)

plumbers butt whaletail camel toe

Ditto for “plumber’s butt,” “whale tail,” and “camel toe.”

ruffles on pants and skirts

Ruffles on a skirt can be over-the-top glamorous. Ruffles on pants are only acceptable if your name is Mary, and a little lamb follows you everywhere you go.

hoops

Hoop pants versus hoop skirts

It is impossible to smuggle someone in — or out — of prison, a masked ball, a hotel room, etc. by hiding them under your pants. (Plus, there is no such thing as “hooppants.”

Placing gun on pants or under skirt

When you strap a gun to your thigh in pants, you lose the element of surprise.

wearing heels with skirt

You don’t have to have skirts hemmed differently for flats or heels.

Twirling in a pair of pants results in 87% less happiness. Pants add nothing to the swing and swish of a woman’s walk. They neither increase the interest for the viewer nor give the wearer that lovely, sensuous feeling from the swirl of fabric around the legs

cloaks and high-waisted pants

The word “skirt” has both a singular and a plural form, usable by all (“I am wearing a skirt today.” “Instantly Mrs. Bagnet put some pins into her mouth, and began pinning up her skirts all round, a little higher than the level of her grey cloak.”) The word “pants” has a singular than can only be used by fashion-industry people (“Designers are showing a high-waisted, wide-legged pant for fall”).

skirt blowing up and pants falling down

Skirt blowing up, revealing underthings? Sexy. Pants falling down, revealing underthings? Humiliating.

a little leg

Skirts are flirtatious, pants not so. Pants don’t allow you to discreetly and flirtaciously lift your hem a little too high to give a male friend a private viewing as you climb into his car. Pants reveal the lumps, bumps, and bulges that skirts skim over gracefully.

peeing pants or hiding with skirt

Skirts help when you’re really in dire straights bathroomwise. When you finally make it to a washroom you could wet yourself while fumbling desperately to undo your pants, whereas skirts prevent such accidents from taking place. On a similar universally practical note, sufficiently large and long skirts will poof out beautifully around one while one squats, letting go the water while pretending to study a wildflower or sand dollar, and they will keep anyone else on the beach or in the meadow from knowing what one is really doing. Pants won’t do that

skirts help me needing help

Skirts help when you have  emergency roadside repairs and need some quick help

day to night skirt_

And lastly, skirts are very versatile- I can go from work to the mall to the beach in a skirt without looking over-dressed or under-dressed. This is hard to pull off in dress pants or shorts.

Perhaps there is some tongue-in-cheek humor here but all-in-all, skirt-wearers do have some solid advantages beyond just the projection of femininity. Join the club, ladies

Want to know more? Here’s Justine Leconte on How To Chose a Skirt For Your Body Type

 

 

 

 

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