My very dear female friend, Countessa, provided me this piece after I jokingly said I would trade places with her any day (well maybe, on second thought). I have to tell you, it’s a bit unbelievable for anyone but my favorite energizer bunny.
What the average woman does each morning before walking out the front door for work or shopping or whatever!!!
Believe me, being female at times is a lot of work. You must wash and set your hair, use electric rollers, sleep in rollers as times. ( Ouch !), remember to shave your legs and under your arms, spend time every morning putting on your makeup before you leave the house, fix your hair, try to find something to wear, and make sure you have the right things on. Don’t get makeup on your clothing as you put it on. Shove a load of laundry in the washing machine before you walk out the door and pull the clean load and fold it from the dryer. Make sure your purse has what you need in it and be sure your heels are ok and not going to make you fall down. Remember to check your hair before walking out the door to make sure you did not leave any curlers in it. Been there done that often!! LOL
Check the mirror one more time to make sure your makeup is ok as you were half asleep when you put it on at 5 am. Remember you have two eyes and they must look the same and have the same makeup on them so they match! < wink> Make sure that when your husband gets to wake up at a comfortable 7:30 am that he has something to eat in the morning and be sure to leave him at least three cups of coffee. He needs that so he can leisurely take his time and relax before going to work while he reads his morning newspaper. You may not be able to have cream in your own coffee as he forgot to tell you yesterday that he finished it with his 3 cups of coffee while relaxing and reading his morning newspaper.
Remember to make the kids lunch or be sure to leave lunch money for them. If you forget, they will talk Dad into giving them much more than they need or he will just hand them a 20 as he only has that in his pocket or credit cards.( your husband does not realize that the lunch lady does not take credit cards but the toy store and the candy store do ! . GOD forbid if he gives them one of his credit cards. That is how a child can wind up with a new bicycle or scooter you did not know about, until it was on the billing! < yikes>
And then of course you will be blamed for letting them run up a charge card or you will be in trouble for it… Two of the kids wound up with brand new 40 dollar a piece trim for their bicycles that we had no idea of until the bill came. (yes, darling ladies… do you really think they will try to remember to let you know that they spend that much! Hmmmm..I doubt they will even mention it. ) . Of course they won’t return the card until you or he remembers to ask for it. Just one more little perk for them when they get to use a credit card.
Never in your life let has your daughter had the card if you are not shopping with her. Been there done that and that’s the worst ! How she can find a teen shop with a pair of jeans for that were do ” die for” and she just had to have them and of course offers to work off the bill and then forgets that she said she would.. But you don’t even own a pair of $143.00 pair of pants let alone jeans that cost that! Even taking out the trash now has a charge when kids do it !!!
Get ready for your husband to call you as soon as you walk in the door of your office and let you know that you did not leave him any cream for his coffee !!!! < so true ! > ” How mean of you !! you drank it all !!! Every gal has been here on that one !!! But he forgets that he finished it yesterday and forgot to leave a note or call you or let you know so you could on your way home in all that traffic, stop and get the cream for HIS coffee..
Check yourself in the mirror once again to make sure everything you are supposed to wear is there.. and you have it on… Been there on that one also !!! …Make sure you have some feminine products if it is your time of the month. You know they never have the ladies room machine filled for feminine products or it is always broken ! (Most often broken ! )
.. if you are in the ” change of life.. ” make sure you have your meds… all of them !!.. ( lol)
Make sure you put money in your wallet. Check your hair once again, when in the car, so that you know the wind did not ruin all the time you spent trying to look gorgeous ! Remember that you have to put on lipstick before going in the office today.. remember to put on your cologne or perfume. Don’t forget that you must bring an extra pair of stockings to work as you used the extra ones yesterday as you got a big run from that darn corner of your desk drawer that sticks out and you continue to still ask the custodian to fix it. Make sure you leave the front porch light on, so you don’t walk up to a dark area when you get home and can’t find your keys.. It is also safer with the light on. If your husband got home first, he always turns that porch light off as he tends to forget that you must look thru your whole purse to find your house keys and always make sure you don’t forget your shoes for work. No gal wears her high heels while at the office. We always have a wider lower heel for work and if we forget it.. well then we have to walk everywhere in those high heels ! It’s a drag when you must keep going up and down stairs or on that escalator..
Check for your keys.. Women can never find their keys…and oh yes.. now before you walk out the door , you must do the same check list that everyone else does that is human before walking out the door.
Such as….check the locks, make sure the stove and oven are off. Be sure to bring an umbrella , because the one you leave in the car, got borrowed by your daughter the other day. . Make sure there are clean towels for everyone and clean clothing for the kids, etc. etc. etc. .. ( we won’t even go into what you must really do every morning to make sure you kids eat breakfast .. all those things would be another four pages of notes here…but all in all.
You’re a mom, a housewife, a guardian angel, a cook, an errand runner, a dishwasher, a house cleaner, a lover, a sweet heart and when you think about it. It’s something that often you would not change for all the diamonds and rubies in the world.. Not even for that gorgeous Icelandic Lamb fur coat in the Neiman Marcus window that you have been drooling over all week long.
Oh yes, as you drive into work. It’s also time to start figuring out what is for dinner and how minutes you will to make it and prepare it and then of course, still look enchanting and gorgeous when your husband sees you.
Then when you get done with dinner it’s time to do the dishes, and add that load of laundry you forgot to do in the morning… as well as fold all the other laundry in the dryer that you asked your daughter to do when she got home. You also must make a quick dash to the market for cream for your husband’s coffee.. How could you ever forget to do that ! By 1 am.. your day slowly slows down. You fall into bed and your husband just sort of wakes up and decides since he is awake, why not get a bit romantic, the kids will not bother you and they are asleep.
Ahhhh.. to be a woman… but when you think it about it, it does have its perks ! A husband that loves you. (well you think he does ! ) LOl. Children that look like precious angels when they are sleeping and of course, after all the romance is done, you must now go and set your hair and then once again, try to sleep on those darn hard rollers. You ponder the thought should you get up at 4 am so you can use those electric rollers that you bought and thought would save you time in the morning. Ha! That was a total misconception on offering you more time in the morning..
You drift off into a sound sleep and then … the neighbor’s dog and the cats outside decide to serenade you till 3 am. Of course your husband has learned to ignore that just as he had learned to ignore any other thing that makes a loud noise early in the A.M. You finally drift off to dream land and before you know it, that darn 5 am alarm goes off and it all starts over again !
You would think by now we would have at least trained our husbands to make their own coffee or get their own newspaper from the front lawn. But then again I am sure that would take four more hours a day out of our day to try to train them and who really has the strength left to do that !
So you just get up at 5 am (4 am if you forgot to set your hair and need to use the electric rollers .) You start your morning regime and before you know it, you are once again out the front door and doing the same checking in your purse to make sure you have your keys, making sure the morning wind did not mess up your hair, try to remember to put on your lipstick , remember to bring in another pair of panty hose cause the custodian still not fix that jagged edge on your desk.. You must always remember that when you walk in the office you must look calm composed and of course, totally alert and in control and so on and so forth and of course, Etc, Etc. Etc…. Just like any other day! All the while looking fabulous, gorgeous, well rested and ready for a long day at work ! Just like any other day.. as usual !
Oh my… A woman’s work is never done ! < giggle>. Most only see the glamour of being woman the gorgeous finished product each morning as we walk into our office and seem totally composed, relaxed after a great night’s sleep and of course, always, always Always.. Gorgeous, and Fantastic ! … and Darling gals. Think about it….. Would we really have anyone think it was any other way !!!
Love to all
Now just to provide a counterpoint to Countessa’s daily routine, here’s a piece on the Ten Things I Hate About Being a Woman. from a man’s perspective. At least it will bring a smile to your face. Perhaps neither of these extremes represents your life or that of your wife, but it’s germane to understand that the other side is not a bowl of cherries either.